Pregnancy Dreams Decoded

My mother has clairvoyant dreams.  She's dreamt about people being pregnant before they ever knew themselves.  She's dreamt of people who have passed away trying to communicate things that end up being true.  She dreamt about a little boy she didn't know following her around during a family party before she realized she was seeing her unborn grandson.  This was before we knew he was a boy.

Me?  My dreams are just a dumping ground for my subconscious.  They've gotten more vivid and focused on my marriage and baby during pregnancy.

Preterm Labor and Birth: An early dream I remember from 24 weeks was about dealing with my pregnancy discomfort.  DH, in the dream, told me to just take the baby out for a little bit to give myself a rest and that I could put him back in later.  I insisted that things don't work that way but dream DH assured me it would be fine.  I pulled the baby out and he was tiny.  I saw his face and a full head of hair and loved him instantly and then realized what a terrible thing I had done and started panicking because we should be in a hospital.  He's so early, he should be in a NICU.  He couldn't survive outside the womb.  But he was doing just fine, happy, smiling and laughing.

Meaning: I realized after I woke that I had that dream because I had hit the 24 week mark which meant that if something catastrophic were to happen and the baby needed to come out, he would have a high survival rate! Generally, however, dreams of preterm labor are the subconscious mind dealing with feelings of being unprepared for an upcoming event.

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Cheating on DH: A recurring dream I have is about cheating on DH.  Or rather, getting close to cheating on DH.  Only in one dream did I actually cross the line and immediately had that "Omg, what have I done, I've ruined everything and my life is never going to be perfect again" feeling until I woke up.  It's never with the same person or anyone I actually know.  It's never really lusty, just guilt ridden.

Meaning: I know part of the cause of the dream is a change in our "marital" activities, or lack thereof, since I've been pregnant.  And another part is feeling guilty that I'm just not fulfilling my roles at home or at work because I'm so tired and uncomfortable. I honestly feel the dreams are less about the cheating and more about the guilt associated with it. 

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Breastfeeding: Last night I had the most confusing and amazing dream. I dreamt that I was taking care of two children.  One was a little girl, probably close to 1 year old and the other was my baby, basically newborn.  They were both hungry and for some reason I had never breastfed.  So I went to breastfeed my son first and he immediately knew how to suckle but the breastmilk would squirt out in the wrong place so instead of it getting in his mouth, it sprayed everywhere. We finally got it so he was getting fed, which was amazing, but I had this nagging guilty feeling about not feeding him sooner and being upset that he was probably hungry for a very long time before I finally fed him.

Meaning: In my Birth Club, a lot of women have started leaking colostrum or breastmilk while I'm worried that my milk won't come in.  My mom didn't breastfeed and I worry that as a result, my body doesn't know what it's supposed to do.  I have a feeling that the little girl was me when I was a baby, not getting breastfed, and the dream was to reassure me that though I might not get breastfeeding right off the bat, I will eventually get it and it'll all be worth it.

Pregnancy dreams.  Pretty inevitable considering how much time I spend sleeping.

Babymoon at the Hyatt Regency Huntington Beach

I knew that the Babymoon would be good for our marriage but I didn't expect that it would show us just how ready we are for parenthood.  Along with all of those surges of love and affection that come with a little couple's getaway, I had nostalgia over the fleeting simplicity of our current life and a longing to share our vacation experience with the Little One. 

Pregnancy is an interesting ride.

DH and I decided on the Hyatt Regency in Huntington Beach (HRHB) for our babymoon because it was close enough to home so I could see my OB and go to my hospital of choice if something were to happen but also enclosed and resort-like enough to feel far away from home.  Having a pregnancy friendly spa and amenities didn't hurt either.

Here are some of my favorite things at the Hyatt Regency in Huntington Beach!

Pacific Waters Spa: The Mommy To Be Massage is well worth the trip to this resort!  They're equipped to do stomach down massage and side massage using various combinations of prenatal massage pillows.  Unfortunately, since I'm having side pain and can't stay in one laying position for too long, I didn't get the best massage experience.  I did leave very relaxed and ready for a great weekend but feel like the prenatal massage is better suited for earlier in pregnancy before one is too uncomfortable.  The Pacific Waters Mommy To Be massage, however, is the best prenatal massage I've had during my whole pregnancy.

The amenities, like steam room, sauna and spa are not allowed during pregnancy but the waiting room features a relaxing environment, complimentary tea, flavored waters, baked goods, fruit, snacks and all the women's magazines a girl could want.  

Property Pools: There are multiple pools with their own "personalities" in the resort.  My favorite was the saltwater pool as it was large, easy on the skin and mainly geared towards adults.  DH loved Slyder's pool area because it had a water-slide area as well as a ribbon pool and very fast cocktail service.  Since being pregnant put the water-slide and alcohol off limits, this pool area just seemed crowded with children and people partying in cabanas to me.

Until a little toddler, accompanied by his father, looked at DH and I and joyfully jumped into the pool towards his father's arms repeatedly as if to entertain us.  He was adorable and made me look forward to a trip like this with a baby of our very own.


Huntington Beach Bridge: One of the many perks of staying at the HRHB is the private bridge from the resort to the beach that includes an amenities stand that lends towels, beach chairs, umbrellas and toys to hotel guests.  Instead of having to lug equipment from home for a comfortable beach experience, the hotel provides it all from a convenient place.

DH and I agreed it was nice to have such a carefree experience as we're sure all future beach trips will require a wagon full of baby supplies.

We'll have to wait another 18+ years, if ever, to just be able to take off for the beach with nothing but our swimsuits, towels and chairs and enjoy an order of chili cheese fries from the snack stand on the sand, without worry about a Little One.

Fire Pits and S'mores Kits: Throughout the property, there are fire pits and fire place lounges scattered for guests to have a place to hang out, chat and enjoy the renewing energy of a fire.  Is there anything better than a bonfire at the beach?

Yes, s'mores at a bonfire at the beach.

Lucky for us, easily located near the fire-pits and available through room service, s'mores kits complete with dowels to hold the marshmallows, were available for purchase!  Genius!


Tower 15 Pizzeria: The night before we left for the babymoon, I had a dream about eating pizza in bed.  This is bizarre because I don't love pizza, nor do I like to eat in bed. But I could not shake the pizza craving so for dinner the first night, DH and I split a pizza.  Tower 15 will deliver pizza to anywhere on the property, even to Slyder's Pool, and allows for splitting toppings on the pizza.  California Veggie for me, Meat Lover's for him.

For the record, we ate on the balcony, not in bed.

The Red Chair Lounge: Prior to pregnancy, I enjoyed quite a few inventive cocktails at this lounge.  Between the cigar selection, nightly live entertainment, scotch and wine options, gastropub type finger foods and the game room, Red Chair Lounge is the late night hotspot at the Resort.

DH and I ducked in after dinner for a couple of rounds of tabletop shuffleboard. He's surprisingly good, even with a few drinks in him.  

If I hadn't been so sleepy, we would have played some pool and hung out by the fire and enjoyed the view but my party energy isn't what it used to be.


The Californian Restaurant: Hands down, one of my favorite things to do while on vacation is eat.  No vacation is complete with a high end meal that leaves me with a positive food memory.  This is why it was so important for me to delay my trip until after my severe morning sickness went away!
At HRHB, there are two fine dining options: The Californian and The Patron Room.  
We opted for the Californian because I didn't think a Chef's Menu at the Patron Room would work for me while pregnant with so many food restrictions. 

Plus, what's a Chef's Menu without being able to drink the wine pairing?  Nothing but sadness I say. 

The Californian is open all day and has a seasonal menu.  We had both dinner and Sunday Brunch and both were phenomenal.  I feel the need to emphasis how good their burrata and heirloom tomato caprese salad was despite DH's insistence that it was far too small for a salad. 

We found that on Sunday morning, the best value at the resort was the Sunday Brunch.  Even without the mimosas and Bloody Mary bar, the selection of made to order omelets, waffle bar and other breakfast goodies was quite impressive.  As it should be since Huntington Beach is home to many a popular Sunday Brunch at Spark, Duke's and the Hilton.


We had a relaxing little getaway to remember our pre-baby life and geared up to prepare for post-baby adventures!

Planning a Babymoon

The moment I heard about Babymoons, I knew DH and I would be going on one.  First, because we like to travel but also because unless we book a weekend away, our weekends are quickly booked up with social obligations, work, housework and hobbies with very little time for each other.

I figured the Babymoon would be the last time we would take a trip together where we didn't have a Little One on our mind demanding our attention.  It would be the last low maintenance vacation for at least 2 decades.  And our last chance to reconnect before the flurry of baby preparing activities got underway. 

But when and where?  Well, it turned out that our weekends were booked well into the end of my second trimester beginning of my third. Not at all ideal. It would have to be in June at the latest and close enough so that I wouldn't have to hop on a plane in my third trimester.  I also wanted to be close enough to my OB so if something came up, I would be in reasonable driving distance.

Aside from that, I told DH all I cared about was being able to hang out in a pool, preferably one with a lazy river.  The rest was up to him.

But for those of you booking your own babymoons, here are a few tips:

1. Pick somewhere with a lot of the activities you like to do sober. The Babymoon is likely one of the few times that alcohol isn't part of the vacation festivities.  For some, a trip to Napa might be their favorite getaway but not for someone whose pregnant and can't do any wine tasting.

Likewise, don't pick a place that is known for raucous drinking as the main attraction since there's nothing more annoying than drunk people when you can't have any of that delicious margarita. 

Personally, I like shopping, hanging out on the beach, going to the Spa, swimming and eating good food.

2. Pick somewhere with activities that you're actually allowed to do.  For instance, some people really enjoy snowboarding or surfing.  These activities are generally not accepted for pregnancy because of the potential for injury.

Focus on going somewhere full of pregnancy friendly options.  Full Service Resorts are nice, especially if there are excursions or lots of entertainment available. Camping by a lake or river where you can swim, boat or fish is also a great option.

3. Book for when you're still in the perfect window of time for the activity.  The first trimester is hard to vacation during because of nausea, morning sickness and food aversions.  By your second trimester, you'll need to be able to get up out of your seat (whether it is a car, plane or train) every 1-2 hours making long distance car travel inconvenient.  Cruises won't take pregnant women past 24 weeks.  By the third trimester, any highly active excursions, like hiking or swimming might be difficult given smaller lung capacity. And though you probably aren't thinking about it, you shouldn't get on a plane after 36 weeks anyway. 

We did end up going at the beginning of my third trimester to a resort less than an hour away from home where the main attractions were hanging out by the beach, pool and spa. 

4. Avoid places with questionable food cleanliness standards.  I know a few couples who went on exotic vacations during their second trimester. They all got sick. Normally, eating is a major way to experience a culture.  Step away from the resort buffet and head out to where the locals dine I say!  Do not do this while pregnant. Not only is being sick while pregnant already miserable, the dehydration caused by food poisoning can cause prenatal problems further complicated by the fact that you might be in a location with sub-par medical care. 

5. Go somewhere you have access to 24 hour food and drinks. I love cruising because there's basically food and drinks available all the time.  Many resorts are this way also.  If you're staying somewhere things shut down early (read: sleepy little B&B towns), make sure you pack your own drinks and snacks and have access to refrigeration.   (I have been to hotels that don't have mini-fridges.  That is really inconvenient.)

We packed an entire overnight bag full of drinks (water and low sugar juices), fruit (fresh and dried), snacks (cheese, crackers, etc.) to fill our mini-fridge so I wouldn't have to constantly call Room Service, hit the convenience store or vending machine. This was great for lazy mornings when DH wanted to sleep in and I woke up early ravenously hungry.

And have a good time!

TTC Straining Our Marriage

DH and I have been fighting. In trying to pinpoint exactly where it all started I realize it's a million different frustrations. Diverging attitudes towards conception, changing priorities and regular disappointment have brought us to a really dark place.

Our first time getting pregnant was so simple and the experience of the miscarriage was so profound that if I had to define where this all started, it would be there. Though DH was sympathetic, he was clear that he simply didn't feel the loss the way that I did.  How could he? No fluctuating hormones or feeling a physical void for him.

We're also very different in being proactive.  When I hit a wall keeping me from something that's this important to me, I'm willing to change it all up to get around the wall, break down the wall, explode it with dynamite.  Whatever.  I am the same about reproduction.  DH, however, believes that my proactive nature is stressing me causing more problems with getting pregnant than helping. He believes, we've gotten pregnant before so we can do it again.

I am obsessed with reading about TTC whether it's online or in books.  DH is skeptical of everything he reads about methods to improve fertility.  He feels like everyone gets pregnant so easily without sacrificing so there's no reason we shouldn't be able to.  I know that we're different and his denial of the fact that we have to do things differently than the majority of other reproductively successful people (aka parents) just makes me feel like I'm fighting this battle alone.

We both took tests to check for issues with our respective "parts" and found that he had a sperm morphology issue.  It seemed simple to me that we should take the natural road and try to adjust it with diet changes before going to meds and labs.  He, instead, found articles that disproved sperm morphology test results and their effects on fertility.  But he humored me.

Because he loves me, he was willing to go alcohol and gluten free because I believed it would help.  And though I was appreciative, it was taxing on him because his sacrifice didn't come from his own belief system but as an act of love towards me.  And when told that it would take at least 3 months before any changes to our diets would have an effect on our TTC chances, he said he couldn't do it for that long.

We argued over whether or not to just treat the problem with conventional medicine.  Clomid, IVF, whatever else happens in a lab. Taking Clomid seemed like a waste since my charts proved I was ovulating. And the idea of getting impregnated in a lab instead of through an act of love brought me to tears.

In turn, the confines of TTC were making him feel trapped.  Unable to simply do what he enjoyed like having a slice of full gluten pizza or a couple of beers whenever he wanted made him resent me. So I caved, it's more important to me to have a happy marriage than stress over marital problems.

And he's back to doing almost everything he was before we got serious about TTC.  Though he is drinking less alcohol, there are no more diet restrictions for him.  But another set of problems has cropped up.  That same resentment for having to bend over backwards for fertility has just manifested itself across the rest of our life.

And truth be told, I'm angry too.  I'm angry a lot of the time.  Angry over things that I don't even have the words to express to him anymore because we've argued about it so much.  Angry because I can't and don't want to change the person he is but in order to reach our goals I have to completely change my life.  Angry that it seems more comfortable to be apart focused on our own distractions than have to deal with each other. Angry that his resentment has grown to resentment over anything I ask him to do. Angry that I can't talk to him about fertility without it devolving into an argument or hurt feelings.

 I don't want to feel this angry.  I don't want to feel let down. I don't want to feel any of this negativity. But I just feel defeated.  I know how that my only solution is to resort to having doctors handle my fertility in a lab because there's nothing else I can do. And I don't want to wait any longer because time is ticking away but I can't try to have a baby when I feel like this in my marriage.