Should You Stay Or Should You Go? (When Your Toddler Is Crying in a Restaurant.)

The most recent argument in the mommysphere is whether a parent should allow a crying toddler to stay at the table or leave the restaurant after Marcy's Diner owner, Darla Neugebauer, yelled at a child who was loudly crying in her busy diner filled with 75 other patrons.

Marcy's Diner under fire after owner yelled at a screaming child. Hear from the diner's owner @ 5 p.m. pic.twitter.com/KClZfmue82

— Jim Keithley (@JimKeithleyWMTW) July 20, 2015

Now, Neugebauger did end up making some major PR mistakes after the incident, including making foul mouthed statements on her business's Facebook page calling the child a "beast" and a "monster" for which I think she should apologize. But as someone who supports business owners running their operations however they see fit (and losing business if they opt to make the wrong decisions), I'm interested to see how this plays out for Marcy's Diner.

Afterall, this wouldn't be the first time that a restaurant took a "No Tolerance" stance towards the potential ruckus a child can create. Old Fisherman's Grotto in Monterey, CA has a sign outside that states:

Uhm..wouldnt a sign saying "NO KIDS!" be a little more to the point?at Old Fisherman's Grotto n Monterey pic.twitter.com/saY6L4KlGD

— Chip Yost (@ChipYost) June 26, 2014

Old Fisherman's Grotto seems to be doing just fine financially at least 3 years after their anti-children policy, with planned renovations of the Grotto, a multimillion dollar business expansion planned for the property across the street, and an average of 4 stars on Tripadvisor.  I think it's safe to say, kicking kids out of the dining room doesn't hurt a business one bit.

As parents, however, we can vote with our dollars and avoid anti-children restaurants who don't want our families there anyway. But we also have a responsibility to our children and society. Do we parent in a way that children aren't seen as such a burden that it's not worth it to serve families? Or do we ignore the effects on society and focus on teaching and disciplining our children like no one is looking?

On one hand, I feel it's important to teach our children to be considerate towards others. Toddlers are narcissistic little people and as parents, one of our goals should be to guide them quickly out of their "center of the universe mentality." That means, if they are causing a disruption for other patrons of a restaurant, after trying to calm down the child unsuccessfully, the child should be removed.

Many parents were outraged that Neugebauger yelled at the toddler. No one has yelled at BB yet so I'm not sure how I would react in that instance. Reports say that the toddler stopped crying after Neugebauger yelled, maybe because she realized that she had upset someone with her crying. In that sense, that child received a valuable lesson in the consequences of poor restaurant manners. On the other hand, I would personally never yell at someone else's child unless it was to keep the child out of danger (i.e. "NO TIMMY, DON'T FALL DOWN THE WELL!") because yelling at someone's child is rude to both the parents and the child.


In fact, I believe that the only way to teach children how to have restaurant manners is to take them to restaurants. Many parents might say manners are taught at the dinner table at home and brought to the restaurants, which is partially true except my dinner table at home doesn't have a ton of other people and kids that my toddler would love to talk to and wave at so, really, it comes down to practicing in public.  Toddlers behaving in restaurants doesn't just come down to the children alone, often it's a learning experience for parents.

For instance, it took me several meltdowns at restaurants to know that I needed to have some of BB's favorite snacks on hand and a cup of water instead of assuming that the restaurant would get us food and water fast enough for BB's needs/wants. I also know I need to bring something to entertain BB aside from awful restaurant crayons and menus. Like Tegu blocks or other travel sized toys. In some cases, if I know I absolutely will not be able to leave the table (i.e. a birthday meal with family), I'll bring the iPad preloaded with Thomas the Train. I don't normally let BB watch TV while eating but sometimes, you do what you have to do. If nothing appeases him within 10 minutes, depending on the volume of his screaming, he is removed from the restaurant and BB gets and explanation about being removed from the fun because he was being inconsiderate towards the other people in the restaurant. Yes, it sucks for us as parents to miss our meal. And yes, possibly I am teaching him the wrong lesson by "giving in" to his cries to get out of the restaurant. That's exactly why I am conflicted.

Some stronger willed parents than me believe that giving in to their child's cries, regardless of whether they are in the middle of their living room or in the middle of Target, is undermining their parenting. And I respect that. That's why I will never give a parent of a screaming child any side eyes. You do you. Parent as you choose to parent. I support you, mom I don't know dealing with an epic toddler meltdown, and respect you for sticking to your guns.

In short, I am going to put this parenting argument on the shelf along with formula feeding/breastfeeding, sleep training/co-sleeping and whatever else we parents fight about. Why? Because there's no right answers, just differing personal circumstances and parenting values.

Camping with a Toddler Guide

Every year, our family goes camping at a lake for the Hosh's (BB's dad) birthday. It's a big party over the course of a weekend with 10-20 of our closest friends and family and it was a tradition we were excited to share with BB. I previously wrote about Baby Camping Gear and a lot of the same items apply for toddlers. Today I'll get into more of the logistics.

Yes, that is Campy Tula!

When: Keep in mind that unless you are yurt, cabin or RV camping, you are basically subject to mother nature. For infants, I highly recommend yurt, cabin or RV camping because temperature control is so critical. When tent camping with a toddler, looking for a time of year where weather is temperate is very important. Ideal temperature is one where it doesn't dip below 50 degrees at the coldest point in the night and doesn't heat above 85 degrees at the hottest point. Usually that is somewhere between late Spring and early Fall, depending on region. Just be careful not to pick a particularly rainy spot as being stuck in a tent with a toddler for hours is not a whole lot of fun.

Check Weather Underground for historic temperatures at your camping location.

Where: Personally, when I pick a campsite, I am looking for a lake within walking distance of the campsite because the purpose of the camping trips is to allow the Hosh and our friends the ability to go fishing.  I used to try to find campsites right on the water, like Lake Hemet for example, but with a toddler keeping a safe distance from the water is a good idea. Other amenities I look for include water on site (very helpful for cooking and cleaning), bathroom and shower facilities and playground within walking distance but not within direct line of vision of the campsite (so BB won't constantly demand to be taken to the playground.)

Take me to the playground!

ReserveAmerica allows users to plug in the amenities they want and a date range of travel and it'll provide a list of campsite that meet that criteria. It's a good place to start but does not include all KOA sites. Also, most private campsites and many county run campsites are not available on ReserveAmerica either.



Food: Since camping is a tough balance of bringing enough to be comfortable while fitting in the space available in the car to get it to the campsite, food can be a bit of a challenge since many fresh foods (read: healthy foods for toddlers) need to be stored in a limited space cooler. I suggest apples, oranges and fruits that don't require refrigeration. Freeze dried veggies from NurtureMe are great, as are prepacked veggies like Libby's Vegetable Cups. In the cooler, I always make sure to have cheese sticks and carrot sticks as I know he'll eat them. Otherwise, I try to plan a menu of food that is relatively toddler friendly.

Clothing: Dressing toddlers for camping is just like dressing for adults. Plan outfits in layers as weather can go from hot to cold. Bring extra pairs of socks. A pair of comfy boots, like Uggs are simply amazing while camping for comfort. For BB, I pack a onesie, a long sleeve T shirt, a pair of shorts, a pair of pants and two pairs of socks for every day we are camping. Then I add a hat, mittens, a vest, a thin jacket, a thick jacket and a pair of snow pants. One pair of walking/playground shoes and a pair of warm boots rounds out his clothing options.

Toiletries and Medicine: Pack all the things in travel sizes in this category. Things toddler needs everyday, from comb, toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, bodywash, towels, lotion, diapers, wipes, diaper rash cream, sunscreen. Add insect repellent, toddler Tylenol, character band-aids, face, nose and hand wipes, nose frida and that usually covers most bases.

I love this playground!

Gear

Tents: Keep in mind that the larger the tent, the harder it is to keep warm inside the tent. The general survivalist advice on the size of a camping tent is to get the smallest tent you can comfortably fit in if you are cold weather camping. A larger tent can be better if you are hot weather camping, especially if outfitted with enough zip windows to open and allow air to circulate.

Sleeping Bags: There are a lot of cutesy toddler sleeping bags on the market. Very few of them are rated for cold weather, many of which are mummy bags. I could not get BB to like a mummy bag since he doesn't even like to sleep with a blanket. Instead, I bought him a one piece snowsuit to wear instead. I also brought footed pajamas. If it was mildly cold, BB slept it footed PJs, if colder, he slept in the snowsuit and in very cold weather, I had the option of layering the footed pajamas and the snowsuit.

Mattress: We personally use an Aerobed as our camping mattress and we cosleep at home so cosleeping at camping was a no brainer. An alternative is to bring separate mattresses so toddler can sleep on one while mommy and daddy sleep on the other. Low maintenance campers often just use a bed roll which provides a light padding against the ground.

Look at my tent guise!

Camping Chair: There are a lot of camping chair options out there. When Ben was an infant, we used his stroller as it was easier to move him around. He now has his own folding camp chair that he loves. Whatever low space chair option a toddler will happily sit in is the right seating choice for camping.

Toys: Keep in mind whatever is taken camping will likely come back very dirty, damaged or get lost and never come back at all. So unless it is a must have everyday toy for BB, I leave all the valuable toys at home and bring easily replaced, small space toys. Baseball sized balls for throwing, bubble wands, small water guns, etc. This past camping trip, BB's Aunt Kar bought him a remote control model ATV which he went nuts for. It was perfect for outdoors since there is just so much space to go camping.

Safety Precautions: Aside from avoiding campsites right on the water, avoid campsites that are very close to steep drops or otherwise unsafe terrain. In addition, consider campsite dangers. For instance, this year, we brought a dog gate to go around our dutch oven as it often sits unattended while things bake away inside. The dog gate prevented BB from trying to touch it's very hot exterior. I also had to make sure that any moment I would be busy cooking for the camp, I put someone responsible in charge of watching BB. Usually that was the Hosh but at other times it was FIL or our very good friend and BB's favorite Uncle Friend Jer. Even then, I had eyes on him religiously. Between being outdoors without boundaries and having an open fire, camping does add another level of safety worries.

All in all, camping with BB now that he's aware of his surroundings is simply amazing. He picked up new words, explored a new environment and just had a really good time. He got to see someone catch a fish, see birds fly across the lake, watch wood burn in a firepit and experience sun up and sun down around him, without walls block his view. He slept well and had very little fussiness except when he wanted my attention as I stayed fairly busy feeding a camp of 22 people this year. We loved it so much, we're going camping again this weekend!

Toddlers Eating Vegetables

BB's Breakfast.

When Baby Buckshot (Toddler Buckshot now?) first started eating solids, he ate everything and loved it. New textures, new flavors, something that isn't breastmilk! And when I was pregnant, and now that I'm breastfeeding, I make sure to eat lots of vegetables so that BB would get familiar with vegetable flavors. Now that's he toddling, it seems those efforts were less than effective!

After coming back from MommyCon Newport Beach, and learning that toddlers need to be exposed to a vegetable at least 7 times before acquiring a taste for it, I came up with some ways to help this along.

1. Bake into muffins or bread. More fibrous vegetables do very well in baked goods when shredded. Think carrots, zucchini, beets, even celery. If going for a sweet bread, try adding in fruit along with the veggie to make it more pleasant. If going for a savory bread, adding in some shredded cheese often helps the item be a little more kid friendly.

2. Infuse water. I have this really awesome FlavFusion Infuser Water Bottle that I put various things to spruce up my water with and BB LOVES the thing. When he sees it, he immediately wants some to drink. So, one day, I added in spinach and apple slices to the infuser. I've also done cucumber and mint, which I personally enjoy anyway. Just don't add a sour fruit along with a vegetable in the infuser because the combination of sour from fruit and slight bitterness from vegetables did not go over well with BB.



3. Make "ice cream." BB, early on, found a love of eating cold and frozen items. A way that I've used this to my advantage is by taking frozen fruits, a handful of greens and blending them with hemp or coconut milk and creating a frozen treat. He doesn't get as excited about it as he does real ice cream, but like Dr. Alan Greene said, it only takes one bite, multiple times.

4. Blend into soup/dip. BB recently learned that he loves dipping. When given a soup he doesn't like to eat, he will, however, consume the entire soup with a carrot used as a dipping mechanism. I saw him do it with tomato soup. Naturally, it's easy to blend steamed vegetables into a hummus dip or just simply make a soup out of it when blended with chicken broth, which goes a long way with getting BB to like it.

A video posted by hoshnasi (@hoshnasi) on Oct 10, 2014 at 5:22pm PDT

5. Put into a sausage patty. Turns out, toddlers love sausage. I spoke with a number of moms and they all said the same thing. Likely because they are nugget-like in shape and easy to hold. Making sausage at home is easy and adding a new vegetable into the mix is relatively easy.

6. Mix in a salad. Sometimes, I'll steam a vegetable and mix it in with a fresh fruit salad for BB. I cut everything around the same size and make it really colorful and inevitably, he'll eat a few bites of the vegetable. I am one sneaky mommy.

7.  Eat together. For some reason, toddlers assume whatever their caregivers are eating is delicious. BB is no exception. If I am obviously enjoying something, he immediately wants to try it. This is a good way to show kids what the vegetable actually looks and feels like without adding in to something else. Sure, sometimes BB will spit out a vegetable, but the fact that he's had a bite is one step in the right direction.

One day soon, my goal of having a vegetable loving child will be achieved.